Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
