i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
