Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
