half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
