I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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