just come out here and I will go home with you...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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