I think im going to throw up on grandma
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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