Cold hands, warm shart.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
