i would punch a child for taco bell
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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