Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
