I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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