she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
