I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
