I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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