Will you blow on my dice?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
