Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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