That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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