Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
