it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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