Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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