Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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