9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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