She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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