Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
