I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
