I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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