i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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