And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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