I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
