I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
