my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My life is pants optional.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
