i would punch a child for taco bell
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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