some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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