I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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