So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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