p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
