Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
