how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
