I hate all girls vehemently.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
