dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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