Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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