Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
