so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why do cheetos always look like penises
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
