when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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