I understand Curling. That high.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
