We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
