Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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