I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
