I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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