I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
