he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
