Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
