I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
