i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
