The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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