So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
