Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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