i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
