totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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