awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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