I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
