i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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